The 10th anniversary of 9/11 was honored with memorial services across the country. I had the privilege of performing "The Guys" with William Federspiel at Saginaw's Pit & Balcony Theatre on Saturday. A moving production about a fire captain who needs assistance writing the eulogies of eight of his men who perished that morning. During rehearsals for "The Guys", I was able to pull from my own experience at losing my husband to bring my character's anger and sadness to life. However, I realized how different those experiences were. My beautiful husband died after a brief illness at a local hospital. I was by his side as he took his final breaths. Before he became non-responsive, I was able to tell him I loved him and hear him utter those words back to me. I was able to continue to tell him how much he meant to me even while he was on a ventilator, unable to respond to my touch or my words. I am able to go through every day being able to reassure myself that Mike knew how much I loved him as he lay there dying. While it doesn't make it easy, it helps - even if just a little. Almost 3000 people died in the 9/11 attacks. Some were first responders who put their lives on the line every day to save others. A majority, however, were "civilians" who happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. People out making a buck to support themselves and their families. Out of those 3000 people, perhaps a handful were able to speak to their loved ones before they perished - we've heard the stories of last minute cell phone calls. But the majority, never got to hear those final "I love you"s. They can never reassure themselves that the love of their life or their brother, sister, daughter, son, cousin, knew, in all certainty, how they felt. Perhaps there was a small spat that morning over who was to pick up the kids. Harsh words from son to a mother who was pressuring him to get engaged and have babies. A couple that part ways on bad terms, never thinking they wouldn't be able to patch things up that evening. Now the one that was left behind must struggle every day wondering if the other person felt loved at the time of their demise. I lost my husband. I cannot turn back time and bring him back. But I know, beyond all certainty, that he loved me more than anything and that I did everything possible to let him know how much I loved him as he lay dying. For this, I am one of the lucky ones. For those that lost loved ones suddenly and unexpected, as on 9/11, dig deep into your hearts. Pull from your memories. Think back to all those times when you shared a special moment - be it a loving glance across the room, an impromptu mini-vacation, or Thanksgiving dinner at mom and dad's - and remember that all those moments say "I Love You" louder than the words. Know that as your loved one was facing death, he or she was thinking those same thoughts you are now - Does he know how much I loved him? Realize, no matter how hard it may be, that they did know and they were worried about the same thing. Loved ones are lost every day. Some suddenly and some after a lengthy battle with illness and disease. We cannot always tell them we love them before they pass. We cannot take back harsh words spoken in anger and frustration. Once spoken, they remain forever. We can only try and remember all the times we made each other feel loved. Perhaps knowing this will make us more aware of the present - to have patience with our loved ones and remind them as often as possible what they mean to us and what joy they bring to our lives. To all those who have gone before us - please watch over us and know that we will never forget you. |
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